Wacky answers to exam questions

Learning consultant Mick Hanley's blog has a post with a sample of some wacky answers to exam questions. Here's one that got me giggling ...

My star sign - Libra

LIBRA - The Asshole (9/23-10/22)
Caring and kind. Smart.
Center of attention. High appeal.
Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep.
Fun to be around. Extremely weird but in a good way.

Well at least they got the first part right!

Filipina maid suspect in Hong Kong boss's murder

Oh dear ... and just as the number of Indonesians employed as domestic helpers in HK overtakes that of Filipinas ....

Frankly, the way some local employers treat (correction: MIS-treat) their helpers I'm surprised it doesn't happen on a regular basis!

Filipina maid suspect in Hong Kong boss's murder

A Filipina maid was Thursday arrested on suspicion of murdering her Hong Kong employer, police said.

The 47-year-old female victim was found by police lying dead in the lounge of her flat with multiple cut wounds, a police statement said. A knife was found next to her.

Local broadcaster RTHK said the victim was a civil servant who worked as an engineering project manager.

Police were alerted at 4:50 am (2050 GMT) by neighbours in the Happy Valley district who had heard a woman yelling for help, assistant police commander Gareth Williams said.

Neighbours "heard some shouting coming from the flat on the 12th floor," he told RTHK.

"(Police) saw some bloodstains on the door, so they broke open the door. When they entered they found the body of the deceased lying on the floor in the lounge, with multiple serious injuries all over the body," he said.

The maid, aged 35, was found in the bedroom and was arrested by police, the statement said. She had also suffered injuries, although she was conscious, and was treated in hospital.

A post-mortem examination was expected to be conducted later Thursday to ascertain the cause of the woman's death, the statement said.

More than 100,000 Filipinos work in the southern Chinese city of Hong Kong, mostly as low-paid domestic workers. It is not uncommon for Hong Kong families to have a live-in maid, who will do most of the cooking and look after the family's children.

Relationships between maids and employers can sometimes be strained, with campaigners saying many are underpaid and have to live in poor accommodation, although violence is rare.

Someone told me that the maid appeared to believe the employer was possessed by an evil demon or something along those lines ... HK employers take note: hallucinations are a common side effect of sleep deprivation!

Worst Logo Ever?

This logo was designed in 1973 for the Catholic Church's Archdiocesan Youth Commission (the country isn't mentioned by I assume it's either the US or possibly Canada.)

Is that a small child? No he's a goblin!

Mr Douglas! You didn't?

Bizzarre: I did find out who Mr Douglas is. He was also kind enough to explain wtf he wants from me ...

Dearest,

I am Douglas McDougall, one of the Board of Directors of The Scottish Investment Trust Plc. One of the UK..s largest oldest independent self managed funds management company with over £45billion Capital Investment Funds.

Nevertheless, as Scottish Investment Funds Manager, I handle all our Investor's Direct Capital Funds and secretly extract 1.3% Excess Maximum Return Capital Profit (EMRCP) per annum on each of the Investor’s Magellan Capital Funds. As an expert, I have made over (GBP 60million) Sixty Million Great Britain Pounds from the Investor's EMRCP and hereby looking for someone to trust who will stand as an Investor to receive the funds as Annual Investment Proceeds from Scottish Magellan Capital Funds.

All confirmable documents to back up the claims will be made available to you prior to your acceptance. Meanwhile, I have worked out the strategies and technicalities whereby the funds can be claimed in any of our Clearing Houses without any hitches. Our sharing ratio should be 70-30. Incase you are interested,You can state down your direct telephone number, for discussions or you reach me at my cell +44-703-596-9839. ,Relate your interest via my email (douglasmc1971@gmail.com)


Sincerely

Mr. Douglas McDougall OBE
The Scottish Investment Trust
6 Albyn Place Edinburgh EH2 4NL
www.sit.co.uk
http://www.sit.co.uk/pdf/AR-2008-06-boardofdirectors.pdf

Oh poor poor Mr Douglas! He'll never shake this off ... Funny, he doesn't look very Nigerian ...

My new friend: Mr Douglas

Got a notification from MySpace that some guy called Mr Douglas wants to be my friend ... Apparently he's on the board of directors of some Scottish bank (I thought they all went belly-up?) How he got my name or WTF he wants to be my friend for I haven't the foggiest ...

But also in my inbox was this gem from the bird on the right:

Hello, my friend! You can lend me 80,000 U.S. dollars it? How ridiculous it sounds, I never thought this would be a strange way to borrow money from foreign friends, my business had a loss of money, in the platform for the friends I really just try to borrow money, you will do when a joke. I was doing the business of railway equipment, and loss of money I do not own the business, but investment in other business friends, if you help me, I will also part of the money each year to you, I have a small shop, there are 60,000 annual income can be also a part of, can only explain so, I will seek God as their own a! then that I in money, not cheat, I need the money is also part of the debt, but also with the money to re-do a good job in the business! believe that God can prove what I have said is the truth! I am Chinese, but my English well, I have the ID card. my phone 13806782468

A perfect match!

The bit I liked was "in the platform for the friends I really just try to borrow money, you will do when a joke. I was doing the business of railway equipment" Don't need any steam engines right now, thanks ... But maybe in Scotland?

The latest fake product from China: Eggs

According to a report in the Hong Kong Standard, Health alert after mainland fake eggs found, fake eggs have been surfaced in Fujian province. And they can cause mental retardation. Nice.

The realistic-looking fakes contain no protein. Instead, chemicals such as alum, sodium alginate, gelatin, calcium chloride and sodium benzoate are found in them. The "yolk" is dyed with tartrazine while the eggshell is made of calcium carbonate.

What amazes me is that anyone could construct a realistic-looking egg at a lower price than by keeping a chicken! But according to the report: "The fake eggs are easy to make and cost 1 to 5 HK cents, compared with 25 to 30 cents for real eggs." Budding counterfeiters might like to study (the undated posting) on Weird Asia News, China’s 10 Steps to Make a Fake Egg.

According to an earlier posting on hoax-slayer.com, the fake aggs story is a hoax. Just goes to show you can't believe everything you read on (myth busting) websites!

Found on Youtube: Girl Fight in Wan Chai

Can't quite place the location ... is it near Maya Bar? I'm sure that's Andy Bright in the middle of it though! He he!

Quotes about god/organized religion

Came across some great quotes about God and organised superstitions ... errr ... I mean religions ... at this site: nyctophilia.net. Here's one of my favourites:

"Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of 10 things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these 10 things he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry for ever and ever until the end of time...but he loves you. And he needs money." -George Carlin

Great use of high-tech by SNL

Saturday Night Live have a great skit where the analyst uses a high-tech board to mess around with a map of the US in a parody of CNN.

Free SMS via web

Here's a great new service for those who run out of load when using a stored value SIM card in their mobile or others whose account is suspended for not paying the bill for some reason or other ("What bill?" He He). I suppose it could also be a value if your mobile battery runs out or you lose your phone! Assuming you have a memory like Rainman to store all those phone numbers in the address book you just lost!

Breathe Mobile Free WebSMS

Sounds too good to be true? Well there is a catch ... but it's not so unpleasant: the service is ad-supported so the recipient will receive an ad inserted into your message. This means your message has to be shortened to 80 characters. But since you can send up to 15 free messages a day, you should be able to get a message sent to the wife to inform her you're in Delhi and an elephant trod on the mobile you just dropped on the street ... Help!

Romantic Ideas for Relationships

Romantic Ideas for Relationships | Valentine's Day | Reader's Digest: "50 Ways to Woo Your Lover"

So you want to do something special for your beloved, but you're stumped for ideas. Whether you want a gesture that's creative, outrageous, affordable, quick or classic, we've got the answer.

Creative
Looking for some fun ways to add romance to your relationship? Try these creative romance tips:

1. Give your lover a dozen roses -- and do it with a creative twist. Give eleven red roses and one white rose. Attach a note that reads: "In every bunch there's one who stands out -- and you are that one."
   
   
2. Fake a power outage at home. (Loosen the fuses or throw the breaker switches.) With no TV to tempt you . . . with no computer to occupy you . . . with no furnace to heat you . . . you pretty much have no choice but to get out the candles, huddle around the fireplace and be romantic!
   
   
3. Get your partner a wristwatch. Inscribe it with: "I always have time for you."
   
   
4. Attach a $100 bill to a Victoria's Secret catalog, along with a note to him saying, "You choose."
   
   
5. Identify that one pivotal event that brought the two of you together. Celebrate that event every year.
   
   
6. Practice even-day/odd-day romance: On even days it's your turn to be romantic, and on odd days it's your partner's turn.
   
   
7. Following a bubble bath you've prepared for her, wrap her in a towel that you've warmed up in the dryer.
   
   
8. Write your partner a love letter or poem on one sheet of paper. Glue it to thin cardboard, cut it up into puzzle-shaped pieces, then mail all the pieces. Or, mail one puzzle piece per day!
   
   
9. Remove all the paper strips (that say "Kisses" on them) from a couple hundred Hershey's Kisses. Fill a jewelry box with them. Wrap 'em up and present them to your partner. Write a certificate explaining that the slips are coupons redeemable for one kiss each.
   
   
10. Doesn't your partner deserve a trophy for being the "World's Best Lover"? Trophy shops have a wealth of ideas waiting for you. Just think of the romantic possibilities of plaques, medals, ribbons, nameplates, certificates and banners. And they all can be personalized, engraved, lettered or monogrammed.
    
    

Outrageous
To make a big impression, consider these outrageous romance tips:

1. Visit a karaoke bar and surprise your lover by getting up and singing "your song" to him/her.
   
   
2. Kidnap her! Blindfold her. Drive her around town until she's thoroughly lost. Then reveal your destination: Her favorite restaurant, or maybe a romantic inn.
   
   
3. Make a GIANT greeting card out of a big cardboard box, (such as the type used to pack a refrigerator).
   
   
4. Does your partner love M&M's? Fill a one-gallon glass jar with them as a gift.
   
   
5. Want to jazz up the presentation of a special meal? Buy a little hunk of dry ice from a local ice house. Put it in a bowl of water and place it on your serving tray. You'll create wondrous, billowing white clouds!
   
   
6. Call your partner from work, every-hour-on-the-hour, just to say "I love you."
   
   
7. Slow-dance at a restaurant -- when there's no music playing.
   
   
8. It's romantic -- but commonplace -- to eat dinner by candlelight. So here's a change of pace: Eat breakfast by candlelight.
   
   
9. Take your lover on a surprise two-week vacation to Paris.
   
   
10. Many couples have "His" and "Hers" matching towels, but here are some other ideas: "His" and "Hers" matching silk pajamas, motorcycles, T-shirts, overnight bags (have them packed at all times), jack-o'-lanterns at Halloween, rocking chairs, Porsches (millionaires need love, too), heart-shaped tattoos, Christmas tree ornaments, tennis rackets, beach towels.
    
    

Affordable
Short on cash but big on love? Try these affordable romance tips:

1. Spend the entire day watching romantic movies.
   
   
2. If you'd like to spend a romantic summer night making wishes on falling stars, mark the second week in August on your calendar. The earth passes through the Perseid meteor belt around August 12 every year, which usually results in spectacular meteor showers for two to three nights.
   
   
3. Buy a lottery ticket. Give it to your partner with a little note attached: "I hit the jackpot when I married you!"
   
   
4. Pick flowers for your partner from the side of the road.
   
   
5. Write a short note to your lover that's spread out over several postcards, then mail the cards one at a time. You'll build anticipation for the romantic conclusion on the final postcard. (Maybe deliver that last one in person.)
   
   
6. If you're not much of a writer, create an audio love letter. Sit down with a tape recorder and just talk to her for ten minutes. Then giftwrap it and mail it to her.
   
   
7. Don't just go out to a movie on Saturday, like always. Call your partner from work on Wednesday and formally ask for a date.
   
   
8. Call a local radio station and request a special love song to be dedicated to your partner. Make sure he or she is listening!
   
   
9. Make a custom certificate for your lover. (You can get blank certificate forms at a stationery or paper store.) Here are some suggestions: A certificate "For Putting Up With Me Over the Years," an award for "The World's Best Wife," a ribbon "For Hugs & Kisses Above and Beyond the Call of Duty."
   
   
10. Mail your partner a Rolodex card with your name and number on it. Write on it: "Your instant resource for love. Call when lonely."
    
    

Quick
If you don't have as much time as you'd like for love, try these swift but sweet romance tips:

1. Write "I love you" on the bathroom mirror with a piece of soap.
   
   
2. Place a little love note or poem under the driver's-side windshield wiper of his or her car.
   
   
3. Every once in a while, kiss her hand with a flourish. Note: The proper way to kiss a woman's hand is to lower your lips to her hand. You don't raise her hand to your lips.
   
   
4. Have "your song" playing on the stereo when your partner returns home from work.
   
   
5. When out together in public, wink at your partner from across the room.
   
   
6. On your partner's birthday, send a thank-you card to his/her mother.
   
   
7. Unplug the TV. Put a note on the screen saying, "Turn me on instead."
   
   
8. Make a toast to one another every time you hold a wineglass. Make eye contact. Take turns making the toast. Whisper it.
   
   
9. Get the whole "family of products" in the fragrance of her favorite perfume (bath powder, soaps, cremes, candles, etc.)
   
   
10. Call your partner from work for no other reason than to say, "I love you."
    
    

Classic
Looking for a tried-and-true method for declaring your love? Consider these classic romance tips:

1. Spread rose petals all over the bedroom.
   
   
2. What could be more classic than a fine gold locket with your photo inside? (Maybe a photo of the two of you.)
   
   
3. Bring home one small, unexpected gift each week.
   
   
4. Write a classic, romantic, passionate, handwritten, heartfelt love letter. Most adults haven't written a love letter since high school. (Why not? Have we lost our youthful idealism, or have we just gotten lazy?)
   
   
5. When traveling, give your partner a bouquet of roses; one rose for each day that you'll be away. Attach a note that says something like this: "These three roses represent the three days I'll be away from you. They also symbolize the love, joy, and laughter we share together."
   
   
6. Say "I love you" at least three times a day.
   
   
7. Guys: Surprise her by performing one of her chores for her. (And not something easy like carrying the groceries in from the car, but something that requires some time and effort -- like cooking all the meals over a weekend, or cleaning the entire house.)
   
   
8. Ladies: Send him a letter sealed with a kiss. (Use your reddest lipstick.)
   
   
9. Hold hands.
   
   
10. On your yearly romantic checklist, make plans for Valentine's Day -- well in advance!

Best Practices for Speeding Up Your Web Site

Excellent guide to speeding up web pages.

Video Toolbox: 150+ Online Video Tools and Resources

"Online video is a huge trend - so huge that’s it’s proving hard to keep track. From video sharing sites to video mixers, mashups and converters, we’ve brought together more than 150 of our favorite sites in this category. Enjoy."

How To Make YouTube Videos Look Great on Squidoo

"My High Resolution Videos Look Terrible in YouTube, Why?

The key for YouTube to display your video the best possible way, is to upload the best possible quality video that meets or exceeds their requirements.

I'll show you a few ways on how this can be achieved!

But first, let me tell you why your YouTube videos look awful."

Here is explained a number of ways to get the best results from YouTube.

A customized Google map for the Wanchai Warrior

I searched on Google maps for "Wanchai bar disco pub" and a load of crap came back. So I thought I better put up a map showing at least the favourite hang-outs of the Wanchai Weekend Warrior types ...

And yes! I know I missed some off but included all the places where I DJ. So sue me!

Link to map

Clever little IP widget

"robtex is a software developer which was founded in 1989 developing all kinds of software. in recent years main focus has been on Internet related software. currently the most popular has been free tools like rbls.org and network explorer. those tools are now merged closer and is called "robtex swiss army knife". we are redesigning the homepage and are presenting the old tools and products as well as some new ones. only a few are linked today. stay tuned for update!"

They have this clever little IP widget which they offer free to webmasters ...

There a bunch of other useful stuff there too like finding out who else is sharing the same IP address used by your site. If you see site names such as "asiananalangels.com" or "88spammingserives.com" maybe you should think about using a different hoster! Unless they are also your sites, of course!

Beardyman - Kitchen diaries

This is hilarious. This guy is soooo talented!

Music Trends: Rap Industry Takes A Hard Look At Itself

21% Sales Decline Spurs Self-Examination

After 30 years of growing popularity, Rap music has finally hit its tipping point. Though music sales are down overall, Rap sales have declined 21 percent from 2005 to 2006, and for the first time in 12 years, no Hip-Hop album was among the top 10 sellers of the year. Many have forecasted the death of Hip-Hop over the years, but it appears that the umpteenth drug-dealing anthem, chest-pounding boast, gun-play recount or soft-core, booty-bouncing music video, has, finally, gotten stale.


http://www.futuremusic.com/news/april2007/musictrends-hiphop.html

I love vinyl and album art ...